fact: I love to sleep. and am pretty darn good at it, if I do say so myself
fact: the night before I had hardly slept
fact: it is unbelievably insensitive to demand answers about baby clothes and borrowed items from a new mother of twins who hasn't slept for not only one night but the previous 14 nights.
fact: I am guilty of the above.
fact: friends and family of people like me, in this crazy unpredictable journey of cultural adjustment and international movement, have a huge challenge in front of them. I can only speak for myself I suppose, but to try to anticipate my needs/next steps and plan accordingly would be an impossible task...
fact: my newest friend to become a Nalongo (mother of twins) and I have a remarkable amount of similarities in these new stages of our lives...as she says "my new thing is living in the moment, so maybe we'll just wait and see."
saturday 6 Nov: hitting the wall of communication exhaustion
fact: since arriving in the states, I have thoroughly enjoyed talking to people about my time in Uganda and about what's ahead of me in my future
fact: all of my stateside family went to DC this weekend for a wedding.
fact: the best conversations we have as a family often occur over meals shared together.
fact: saturday morning, my mom/brother/sister and I were sitting together at brunch, and conversation shifted to what I was thinking about my future.
fact: in that moment I could NOT do it. I could NOT talk any more about me, even to my family.
fact: it was not wrong of them to ask, but I needed the freedom (and took it) to say, "I can't really go there right now, sorry."
sunday 7 Nov: debriefing me/the last 3 years of my life
fact: a debriefing program is structured to help ME thinking about the last period of MY life and how it has impacted ME thus far and will impact ME in the future (more or less)
fact: just the day before this program started I had come to the realization that I was NOT in a place to talk about ME....
fact: the first two facts don't go very well together...
fact: after dinner I was feeling ready to crawl under my covers and go to bed for the night and my roommate looked at her watch and said, "it's only 6:30pm, we need to keep you awake for at least a little bit longer, don't you think?"
monday 8 Nov: the paradox of life and death
fact: "It was the best of time, it was the worst of times." Charles Dickens (A Tale of Two Cities) describes the last 3 years of my life remarkably well.
fact: I wouldn't change it for the world.
fact: in our discussions of this missionary life phenomenon, tears rolled down my cheeks, for the first time since coming home to the US, in regards to my life in Uganda.
fact: the tears came when I realized the following: that never before in my life had I lived/experienced LIFE and DEATH to their fullest.
tuesday 9 Nov: the paradox of living stress artfully and knowing one's limitations
fact: stress is biblical and to try to live life without it would be fruitless/unfaithful/impossible
fact: knowing one's limitations and attempting to live life within them is a good/healthy goal.
fact: I have no idea what the melding of the above two facts looks like.
tuesday 9 Nov #2: it's SNOWING!!!!!!
4 comments:
I like this post. Just the facts mam, and you don't have to explain them all or connect them all. I'm with you. Always been a fan of paradox. . . Jesus was perfect, Jesus was stressed. And one more fact: you like to think about all these things, and you can do it in a way that doesn't force a quick resolution. You're seeking Truth with all these facts. Praying for you now.
i like this post too. it is good to know how you're thinking and feeling these days. and i'm glad to see that it sounds like a lot of good deep, down, soulful, processing is happening. praying for you. love you, friend!
I am so thankful that you are asking these questions and seeking honest answers and not quick fixes. I am praying for you.
fact: this is a good post.
thanks for sharing what's going on and not sugar coating it.
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