2011, a NEW year

Today was the first monday of 2011. It was a big day for me.

For the last 3 months of my life, I've been "in between."
"In between" usually that means that you are in a space after something and before something else; or next to one thing on one side and another thing on the other.
I was going to say that I've spent the 3 months trying to figure out what that "something" is that I was in the space before...but I think it's been bigger than that. I've been trying to figure out what it is I am in a space "after" AND what it is I am in a space "before"; or in other words, trying to figure out what it was/is that was/is on either side of me.
What was it that happened in the last 2 1/2 years of my life, and what is it that will happen in the coming weeks, months, years...
And just now, sitting here in my bed with my computer on my lap, I've realized that that "in between" space has gotten bigger and bigger as the 3 months of time has ticked by. As time has gone on, I have felt further away from either of the events/places/people at either bookend.
It could be that for some of us returning to the US from the field, there is a 3 month low point (which is often described/predicted in one's adjustment period when arriving in the field from the US)...past the "honeymoon" stage of how wonderful it is to see everyone you've missed and eat familiar food, and take long hot showers...and into the realization that this isn't just a visit...that this may be life for a while...maybe that's the explanation...I don't know...
December has been hard. Real hard. Full of doubt, questions, uncertainty, waiting, lack of clarity, lack of motivation, anxiety of anticipation, and biggest of all - lack of connection...
I have not felt connected to Africa, I have not felt connected to the US.
I have been "in between."

But today, was the beginning of movement.
Today I moved towards something and boy did that feel good!
Today I started orientation to my "new" job (which is actually really a re-orientation to my old job) - a staff nurse on my old floor at St. Louis Children's Hospital. I'm not going to say too much about how all of this came about, but let me just say that God has been crazy good to me.
And, can I just say, that if one is going to move towards something in the workplace, how's the mission statement of a hospital that says "We do what's right for kids." I think I can get behind that!
It feels good to be a part of something again, or at least to be moving towards being a part of something again.
In another couple of weeks I'll move towards something else I haven't moved towards in a long time....school! I don't even have a bookbag, or a class schedule, or a notebook...
And after a year or so of school, I hope to circle back around to that thing that was the last 2 1/2 years of my life...life in Africa...

So today was really just the first actually step of movement. One step which I hope will be followed by many more. But my new motto is "one foot in front of the other" so the movement might be slow.

As I close my today, my friends in Sudan are starting their tomorrow, but it's a closing of sorts for them too...they leave their homes in Mundri, Southern Sudan and are unsure of when/if they will be able to return. I'm not sure if you can imagine packing your bags and leaving your home with no certainty of your return, but it's loaded. Totally loaded. Pray with us that justice and peace might be wed in the referendum in Southern Sudan next week.