4/20

National Pot Smoking Day (in the U.S. thanks to the Grateful Dead) and also, although more devastating, the birthday of Adolf Hitler. The latter event has made 4/20 into a day of mourning in American history for the last couple of decades...4/20 is the day after the Waco Massacre (4/19/93), the Oklahoma City Bombing (4/19/95), the Columbine School Shootings (4/19/99), and 4 days after the Virginia Tech Shootings (4/16/07). There are probably more, but that's enough to get my point across I think.

BUT 4/20 also marks the birth of one Heidi Jeanne Lutjens (born on her uncle Gary Lutjens' birthday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE GARY!) to her parents Kurt and Susan Lutjens at 2:17pm in St. Mary's Hospital, St. Louis, MO, in the spring of 1979.

Yep, today's my 29th birthday. So far I've celebrated by skipping church, listening to a Tim Keller sermon tape (yes, cassette tape) and singing hymns with Ashley and Sarah (who were also playing hooky from church), and now I'm eating a chocolate bar and drinking a DIET COKE!!! I've saved this can of CocaCola Light for about a month and a half, for this occasion, and of course it's flat now, but I'm still enjoying it. Really I'm not in much of a festive mood.

Friday afternoon, I hit the wall. The cultural adjustment, "I've enough of all of this", wall. I kind of knew it was coming but wasn't sure when it would hit. I'm one week shy of my three month mark and that's when I learned it was supposed to hit for most people, so evidently I'm normal...or at least somewhat normal...

I've had enough of kids dying, of being stared at, of not being able to understand/be understood, of being in a fish bowl every time I step foot outside my front door, of not having any time to myself, of not having anyone around who knows me, of having no other option but to cook 3 meals a day from scratch, of having kids knocking incessantly at my door asking for things, and the list goes on...

BUT ("and it's a big but")...

This is my Father's world
O let me ne're forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.
This in my Father's world;
The battle is not done;
Jesus who died shall be satisfied,
And earth and heav'n be one.
- M.D. Babcock

and ...

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." And He who was seated on the throne said "Behold, I am making all things new." Also He said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'" - Rev. 21:3-5

I've seen beautiful glimpses of this "making new" and of "My Father's world" this week...Swizen dancing and being discharged, the crazy strange familiarity of the almost full moon lit sky and the light it casts on this place here at the end of the road, Ndyezika and Juliet being joined by God in marriage, the beautifully harmonized and vibrant voices of the children's choir that sang at the wedding...

For these things and many more I am thankful this birthday.