on the approach of Father's Day...

It might sounds funny coming from a single woman, but I've been thinking a lot about fatherhood the last few days. I talked with my dad on Sunday night (afternoon their time) which is usually a pretty busy time for him, but I must have caught him at a good time...but one of the things that was said (first mentioned by dad, and confirmed by me) was how I take after him in most things as far as temperment goes (more than Jeff and Carrie)...he's totally right...when I was about 14, an inmate in a maximum security prison looked at me and the first thing out of his mouth was, "what's your problem, sister? You look like you got a stick stuck up your butt just like your daddy! You need to relax, like your brother and sister here." (I was a 14 year old girl in a maximum security prison for men, you best believe I was a little on edge!) But he was right, let's just say the firstborn in me has made me a bit more concerned about things...And it's my dad I get my hardline nature from...no nonsense..."sorry charlie - you know the rules" which most of the time pays off, especially in my work. I also think it's my dad I get my "I" on the Myers-Briggs from. So, part of being a father is seeing yourself in your children, and them seeing you in themselves...it seems to me that could be wonderful and terrifying...

Sunday morning I played hookey from church and listened to a sermon my dad preached this past winter on the Trinity. He spoke of the perfect love and joy that exists between Father and Son in the Trinity - and the glimpses we get of that when we watch fathers and sons amongst us really enjoying each other and the joy and love they display - this is the stuff we're made for! My dad spoke of pouring concrete with my brother on a beautiful crisp, clear, 50 degrees and sunny winter day in St. Louis - he spoke of their enjoyment of the work, of the coffee breaks, of the weather, and most of all of each other. It's really fun to watch my dad and brother together, I might take more after my dad than my brother when it comes to temperment, but when it comes to the things they love to do and their senses of humor - the two of them are like two peas in a pod!

Monday morning I unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it - it really is an honor to be a part of such things in people's lives anywhere in the world - even though heart wrenching and painful) witnessed the death of a child on the Peds ward at the Health Center. The mother turned away, hoping it wasn't true, shielding her eyes, and as the other nurse and I went over to confirm the child was dead, she began to wail as is usual for mothers and other female family members. The other nurse instructed the father, who was standing next to the bed with tears in his eyes, to bring the child into the treatment room to be wrapped in preparation for the family to carry him home. The father picked up the child and began to tremble and to sob, barely making it to the bed in the room just next to the child's bed. Men here (in common with men the world round it seems) don't usually react so emotionally, so it's particularly poignant to witness a father's sadness and grief like that...the nurse took the child from him and layed him on the bed and the father slowly dropped to his knees on the floor and continued to tremble and cry...I can't really imagine what that must be like...to watch the life leave the body of your flesh and blood - one moment it's there and the next it's not...I was struck at how hard it was for me and I'm just the nurse who gave him a shot a few minutes before he died and tied his little legs together with gauze after he died, not his father...This father won't have the chance mine does to enjoy the companionship of his son. This is not what we were made for...Come quickly Lord Jesus.