secrets, cross-cultural Bonhoeffer, John 18 & The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Earlier this week I was purusing a rather intriguing source of American cultural commentary online and found the following statement (an anonymous posting of a "secret"):

"My biggest fear is that someone will find out just how lonely I am."

and then a comment on that statement, posted by someone else, read:

"It it my most painful wish."

I was struck by the truth at the core of these two statements...Americans hate to feel alone.

A few days later, Amy was telling me about the Christ School staff Bible/book study and their discussion of Bonhoeffer's book Life Together. (I think that probably only interesting things can come from Africans discussing a book written by a German theologian!) But their discussion was about a portion of the book written to encourage time spent alone. The question posed was what were their home culture's views of time alone or people who pursue time alone. Without fail all of the Ugandans (from different districts and tribes) said that people who pursue time alone come across as rude/angry. Confirms my perceptions of culture here and not at all surprising. Africans hate to be alone.

John 18: Jesus twice poses the question: "Whom do you seek?" In our discussion of the chapter as a team Jennifer encouraged to consider the importance of the question, and the answer we would give...who is it that I am after? that I am looking for? what is my life in pursuit of? And I realized that my life is basically lived in pursuit of not being alone...whether it's a physical presence of other people in the vicinity (even my time alone is spent to/sought in hopes of, being able to be with people in a more reasonable way), an awareness of being understood (a sort of philosophical presence), the satisfaction of acceptance (not being rejected/outcast - a sort of emotional presence); I hate to feel alone.

Last week several of us watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (premise: a man who is born "old" and becomes "younger" as he adds years to his life). In a conversation between Benjamin and a pygmy (who is a very short man - his lack of height being a visible anomaly similar to Benjamin's aged appearance at a young age) the following dialogue takes place:

Benjamin: “Were you all alone?”
Pygmie: “plenty of time you’ll be alone,
when you’re different like us, it’ll be that way.
But I’ll tell you a little secret…
Fat people, skinny people, tall people, white people,
They’re just as alone as we are,
But they’re scared shitless.”

Poignant I thought...No matter what kind of person we are: we are alone and we're scared.

So, yeah, last week this was a theme in my life...but here's what I ultimately realized:

Jesus was *really* alone...for a good part of his life, but especially for the last week of his life...not understood, rejected by his own, let down by his friends, despite his perfection - in his death bearing the sins of ALL GENERATIONS alone. But because of his perfect communion with the Father and Spirit through it all, He did it all willingly. He continued through this loneliness on all fronts, for me. That I might not be alone. That I might have communion with Him, my Father in heaven, and the Holy Spirit that is my perfect portion. He is enough.

"Sometimes, it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble."
(Negro Spiritual - "Were you there")