Sundays: Ashley and I were just sitting at the table, eating tuna sandwiches for lunch after church...and she says "listen to how quiet it is." The only sounds were the chirping of the birds. No cars, no motorcycles, no people talking...aaahhhhhh. Nice. Conversation turned slightly to what Sundays in the Wood and Lutjens households were like...both of which included the "sunday paper". To this day, even when living in different houses in the same city, the Lutjens kids often descend on mom and dad's house after lunch on Sundays for the purusal of the Sunday edition of the NY Times...fighting over the coveted Magazine section, reviewing the "Week in Review", the arts, style, sports, travel and front page sections, we pour over it all. Today, the online edition will have to suffice...Sudan elections, Indian cuisine in Delhi...what else will I find...
Dreaming and Waffling: In regards to big decisions in my life, what happens next kinds of decisions, I've always weighed facts and feelings and come to a decision and gone with it...good and hard things have followed but it's always been clear to me that I'm ultimately not alone.
dream (v): indulge in daydreams or fantasies, typically about something desired
: waste one's time in a lazy,unproductive way
: contemplate the possibility of doing something or something that might
be the case
dream (n): a series of thoughts, images, sensations occurring in a person's mind
during sleep
:a state of mind in which someone is or seems to be unaware of their
immediate surroundings
:a cherished ambition, aspiration, or ideal
:an unrealistic or self-deluding fantasy
:a person or thing perceived as wonderful or perfect
waffle (v):to fail to make up one's mind
waffle (n):a wonderful traditionally breakfast food, made spectacular when topped with fruit, ice cream, and/or lots of syrup
I'm in a dreaming period right now. A period of time in which I'm free to dream about what I might do next. My time here in Uganda will come to an end sometime in September and I'll head home to St. Louis for a few months, and then who knows...it's a beautiful thing really...to dream...to not feel pressured, to consider "thoughts, images and sensations" in wakefulness, "contemplate possibilities", to be in a state of mind which takes into account my immediate surroundings and the surroundings of my past life to piece together what my future surroundings might look like, to consider what "things (I) perceive as wonderful"...
I'm not sure that I've ever taken this much time in advance of a decision to dream...and it's funny, I'm not sure that I've ever waffled so much either. In "the fall" (aka. months of sept/oct/nov), I was thinking seriously about going back to school - purusing Nurse Practitioner programs. Then after a medical education conference in Kenya decided being an NP was not for me, that I really enjoy the role of an RN. When I was in the US in Feb. this is what I was telling friends and family who asked...it felt good, I was at peace with the preliminary decision...then on Thursday, after rounding on the ward without Jennifer, I began to think again about maybe going back to school...
Hmmmm. I'm not quite sure what's going on, but maybe this is what dreaming is all about...I'm not worried, I'm not stressed, but rather curious about what's going on inside my head and heart and curious about what might happen in the end.
Having fun, dreaming on.
2 comments:
Ha! you dreamer...
heidi, amy hudson here. i get this. i'm glad i'm not the only one these days wondering what in the world God may bring around the next bend and also feeling peaceful about it (thank you Jesus!) thanks for letting me sit in the quiet of these thoughts just a little time this morning. i rejoice with all of you now in the places you are, and pray for the Peace that passes your understanding to walk with you each moment. those moments you speak of there are fleeting...i still treasure them on this side:)
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