So, I've gone through a good amount of transition in my life...and I *rarely* remember my dreams...(don't worry, the two are connected, I promise)...
In May and early June, I said goodbye to half of my closest community during my time in Bundibugyo (following the first quarter's departure in December)...but I haven't really had time to think about it, or haven't made time. I think today the grief is seeping in; the grief of the recent past along with the future grief of even more goodbyes in July, and then more in September...Today, I'm feelin' kinda funky...
and I've been dreaming about the States...dreaming that I had the privilege of attending Court and Patch's wedding (which in reality doesn't occur until 10 July, but in my dreams occurred on Thursday night, I believe)...the privilege of hanging out with Dana and Andy and their boys (which in reality won't happen until September, but in my dream life occurred last night)...but both were kind of weird dreams...the encounters were nothing like I would have expected, and involved a good deal of relational distance, much to my dismay.
So, nothing is ever predictable...I'm not consciously grieving transitions (the frequency of such here in Bundibugyo has been unparalleled in my transition-full life thus far), but the grief is bubbling up unannounced...I'm not consciously stressed about going back to the US, but the fear of distance where there once was closeness is bubbling up unannounced as well.
What to do? I don't know. But Ash and Nathani (and Salah, as well), you are missed dear friends. Walking past your empty room and empty house is weird, and dinners/team pizza's are not quite the same...And Court/Patch, Dana/Andy (and all of the other relationships you represent in the US) - I do look forward to hang time with y'all...time that doesn't involve an agenda, and maybe involves some good food/drink/movies/music and most of all LAUGHS :)
And for today, a few more hellos. WELCOME to Anna #2 (our summer intern) and Ann, visiting for a week. And for tomorrow, will there be blood in the lab? will there be staff on the ward? will there be ICU patients for us to manage to the best of our ability with what we have? I don't know the answers to any of these, but I do know there will be kids, and I hope a couple of them will be smiling :)
2 comments:
Sweet heidela. Transitions have sure been a consistent presence in your life for over 2 years now (not that they started in Bundi). You continue to weather them with your heart intact and soft instead of cold and hard (which would be easy to do). Thanks for writing about the grief and the dreams.
I, too, am looking forward to the laughs especially! Just the other day, Heather asked me to recount the velcro story you used to tell about me (when the washer/dryer guys came, I think?), and I couldn't remember the details. I longed for you to be here to tell it. [P.S. I think that I, too, have some anxiety about the closeness/distance issue. But, we'll work it out, I think :)]
Post a Comment