Never Alone

As I sit at my desk next to the window, to the right of my computer screen is a black picture frame. Inside the frame are a series of black words on a white background. Every now and again, I glance in it’s direction when I pause to think of what I will write/do next. Usually I’m not really looking at anything in particular, but simply in the frame’s direction with a blank stare. But this morning the word “sin” caught my eye as I paused in thought. How depressing, you say. Well, maybe, but I didn’t recall ever seeing anything about sin there before.

The words in the frame are of a song that the choir at my church in St. Louis sang on my last Sunday before moving to Uganda, and snuck into my luggage by Leslie (Fisher) now Bley. The words are as follows:

I’ve heard the lightning flashing, and heard the thunder roll.
I’ve felt sin’s breakers dashing, try’n to conquer my soul.
I’ve heard the voice of Jesus telling me to fight on.

He promised never to leave me, no, never alone.
Never alone, oh, never alone, never alone,
He’ll never leave you alone.

The world’s fierce winds are blowing, temptations sharp and keen.
I’ve felt a peace in knowing my Savior stands between.
He stands to shield me from danger when earthly friends are gone.

In affliction’s valley, I’m treading the road of care.
My Savior helps me to carry my cross when heavy to bear.
My feet, entangled with briars, ready to cast me down.

The word “sin” caught my eye because the song is about the struggle of loss and loneliness, and I not before recently had I ever thought about my own sin in regards to response to loss. The line reads: I’ve felt sin’s breakers dashing, try’n to conquer my soul. And the chorus repeats: He promised never to leave me, no, never alone.

Turns out I’ve been feeling alone. I wasn’t really aware of it, but that line about sin’s breakers dashing and trying to conquer my soul couldn’t have been more true last week. I was full of anger/bitterness/resentment. Quite the trio, let me tell ya! Oooooh boy, it was bad. Watch out world. I didn’t feel like myself, but I had no earthly idea what was going on inside of me. Turns out it was grief. Who woulda thunk it?! There has been a lot of loss in my life in the last several months, and I think it all came to an ugly head last week. Turns out that grief is sneaky, and not only pops up when we don’t expect it, but it shows it’s face in ways we never would expect. Fear, sadness, anger/bitterness/resentment, everybody has their patterns.

Who wants to be around an angry/bitter/resentful person? I thought to myself. No one. But the song is true, I did hear the voice of Jesus telling me to fight on, because of His promise never to leave me alone.

So, the take home lesson of the day: take a moment to look around your computer screen every now and again, you never know what you might find.