Get over yourself

I watched Blood Diamond a couple weeks ago. It was the third time I’d seen it, and there are several lines/monologues that stand out to me each time…it’s the same lines in both my pre and post Uganda arrival viewings. It’s a good movie, I would recommend watching it. It’s not easy to watch and it’s violent, but it’s worth it, I think.

I’m gonna try not to spoil the movie for you, but here’s a few snippets that have left me thinking…

“Don’t tell me, you’re here to make a difference, eh?...Peace Corps types only stay around long enough to realize they’re not helping anyone, the government only wants to stay in power until they’ve stolen enough to go into exile somewhere else, the rebels – they’re not sure they want to take over, otherwise they’d have to govern this mess, but TIA [This Is Africa]…” – Danny Archer (white Rhodesian talking to an American journalist)

Why am I here? Maybe I am a “peace corps type” – I’ve only been here 6 months and am already thinking, “am I really helping anyone?” Are there any men/women with integrity in leadership/government here? Or anywhere in the world for that matter? In a BBC article by a Nigerian writing about the comparisons between Zimbabwe’s Mugabe and Nigeria’s Obasanjo, he says “Managing power is more difficult than capturing power.” He and Danny Archer are on to something I think…there’s so much power struggle here in Africa, and then so many leaders struggling to lead and failing to do it well, all struggles that are wreaking havoc in so many countries…and not just here in Africa.

DA: “…might be time to get your family out, eh?”
Bar keep: “And go where? Just fire up the chopper and fly away like you people? This my country, man; we here long before you came, long after you go…”

This bar keep’s comments have put a finger on just the notion I’ve thought a lot about here, that this is in fact not ‘my country’, and I can in fact fly away whenever I am told I need to, and yet no matter how hard it gets, life here for Sierra Leonians (in the case of Blood Diamond), or Northern Ugandans (in the case of the atrocities inflicted by the LRA), or North St. Louisans (in the case of the realities of drug and gang wars), is in fact home.

“Tell me something, huh? How long you been here in Africa?...You come here with your laptop computer, and malaria medicine and your little bottles of hand sanitizer, and think you’re going to change the outcome, huh? Let me tell you something, you sell blood diamonds too…who do you think buys the stones I bring out? Dreamy American girls who all want a storybook wedding and a big shiny rock, just like they see in the advertisements of your politically correct magazines, eh? So please don’t come here and make judgements on me, alright?...get over yourself, darling.” – DA


Doh! Um, those things were all on my packing list too...seriously though, there’s some wisdom in these smart aleck comments of Danny Archers’. There’s a sense in which those of us westerners here in Africa come with the idea that we have something to offer, something to help change ‘the situation’ (whatever ‘the situation’ might be). And then we come and make all kinds of judgements about corruption and poverty and disease without looking at the roots and realities of these same things in our own culture let alone our own hearts…Get over yourself, Heidi.
P.S.- I’m not here to judge anyone with a diamond on their finger, or anyone who’s bought someone a diamond for their finger – the movie does make me think more than twice though about whenever I might someday have to think about such a decision, and when I think about the alternatives I can’t help but think that there’s likely such atrocities behind any precious stone/metal/naturally occurring substance…I wonder what the stories behind rubies are, or emeralds…

“Sometimes I wonder, will God ever forgive us for what we’ve done to each other? And then I look around and I realize God left this place a long time ago.” – DA

Not sure if Mynda remembers this conversation, but our landlady said this very same thing to me as Mynda and I sat in her office asking her about ending our lease because I was moving to Uganda. And I completely understand where she and Danny Archer are coming from, but the interesting thing is that I’ve never seen God at work more plainly than I can here.

“Dia…what are you doing?...Dia Vandy of the proud Mende tribe…you are a good boy who loves soccer and school. Your mother loves you so much; she waits by the fire making plantains and red palm oil stew with your sister Nyanda and the new baby. The cows wait for you, and Babu the wild dog who minds no one but you. I know they made you do bad things, but you are not a bad boy. I am your father who loves you and you will come home with me and be my son again…” – Solomon Vandy

Holy smokes. Solomon totally talks his son out of the grip of evil in this scene…it’s heart wrenching and beautiful at the same time. It’s the same thing God does with me, reminds me of who I am and more importantly who He is.