"To my lovely one..."

Okay, so we go from pick up lines straight to letters of proposal around here, so brace yourselves. I have the priviledge of bringing to your attention the following letter. Please read carefully as pearls of great wisdom and endearment are found in it's specially crafted lines. So specially crafted that 2 single women on our team received the same letter from the same guy in the same week! Sarah received hers one week ago Monday. The same guy hand delivered virtually the same letter (this time typed with clip art roses and calligraphy fonts) to Pat after Sarah answered the door totally unnoticed by this guy who had given her the same letter 4 days earlier...Pat was flabbergasted, and asked the man "are you this man?! You are he himself?!" The spellings are original to the letter itself, unfortunately you'll just have to get your creative juices flowing and imagine the calligraphy font and clip art for yourself. There was talk of scanning the letter and posting it in all of it's original glory but none of us have time for that, this is will have to do. Read carefully :)




TO MY LOVELY ONE, WHOM I HAVE
SELECTED AMONG A GROUP OF
MANY, WHOM I CAN’T CALL BY,
NAME, BUT ONLY SAY MY HEART.
P.O BOX HATE ME NOT,
Date as today.

My Darling miss……PARTRIS…….
How are you as far as your physical fitness is concerned? And how is the atmospheric pressure taking you over there?
I personally, I am really hearted of you Madam, and jam happy to hear that you are of a working class the same as jam.
I am a Doctor by profession and I hope we can assist each other in this world.
Surely, I love you very much my dear and let me have this lovely letter of mine.
Madam, I am really hurted because of you ever since I saw you and I would like to know from you whether I can have a chance to talk to you soon and hear a word from your mouth.
I am really in need of you and I would like to die with you in this changing world, that is to say I need you to be my sweet mammy in my home until the almighty God will separate us as it was created.
My dear, don’t think that I am wasting my time to write to you, I am really serious and I can never let you down whatever the case may be.
My darling, as a matter of fact, I would like you to reply and give me your program of how I can see you physically and we talk to each other.
Hopping you will comply with the above.
May the Almighty God grant you success in all your doings?
I remain faithfully yours in need
YOUR WONDERFUL
………..B…….R…….S…………

MY LOVE YOU INSPIRED MY HEART AND MY SOUL

CALL 0123234567
O/C
Dr. R….. Herbal Clinic in Nyahuka. Town. C.


On the outside of Sarah's handwritten letter was written "If you have any questions regarding this letter please contact our nearest branch. Dr. R's Herbal Clinic, Nyahuka." R is clearly NOT a Doctor (he sits in a little duka down the road towards town) which is only the first of many issues he likely has! Yesterday Jennifer delivered Scott's "fatherly"/protective refusal letter written (by Jennifer and signed by Scott of course) in response. Upstanding individuals in this culture always handle these things through an intermediary person and only ever approaching the woman's father, never the woman herself.

See, being single for sure has it's perks...what stories!!!!!