I'm a Turtle

In your management of conflict are you a Shark, a Turtle, a Teddy Bear, a Fox, or an Owl? We've spent the last several days talking about these distinctions and getting to know ourselves, our tendencies, and both our frustrations and appreciations of other styles. We've had assignments to talk with other people about how they observe us engaging in conflict, we've looked at some of what the Bible has to say about conflict resolution. 80% of missionaries leave the field because of conflict with other missionaries, and then you have conflict with another culture on top of that, so the conflict we're preparing for and already experiencing is endless!

So, what have I learned about myself in conflict? First is that I'm a turtle. Briefly this means that I tend to hide from/disengage from/avoid conflict until absolutely necessary but that I do eventually engage, that I take a long time to wrestle with all of the issues at hand, that I tend to be more task driven than relationally driven, etc...Now, this is not to say this applies to me in every situation but generally speaking this is the mode that I revert to, and likely therefore will likely revert to in the prolonged stress of the mission field.

Another huge thing that I've been thinking a lot about is something my dad told me when I was talking to him about how he observes me in conflict. This I think really is the root/my biggest struggle across the board in my issues with conflict. My dad said,

"Heidi, I really think you are going to need to understand/experience/be cognizant of the mercy and grace that God has shown you in order to more readily give mercy and grace to others."

This might not seem groundbreaking to you but the more I think about it and see the lack of this in my life the more sobered I am and aware of the intervention of the Spirit I so desperately need in my life. I get so easily frustrated and angry and judgemental and avoiding of issues and people, etc. And the list goes on. So my deepest apologies to all of you with whom I have been in conflict and have not shown mercy/grace. I welcome any more feedback you might have and would love to hear what your style of conflict management is :)