Gory Days

So, I could post everyday about things I’ve seen, heard, done, and lead you to believe I’m some kind of superwoman, but I would also totally be pulling the wool over your eyes. That’s the thing about a blog, you can put your best foot forward in each entry (most of the time – I’m not even really all that successful at that) and, because in my case I’m living halfway around the world, no one would ever know the difference. You don’t read the stories of when I snap at my housemate or the kids who mock me as I ride by on my bike, or the times when I put my own comfort ahead of being culturally sensitive, or the stories about how I’ve been here for two months now and still can’t remember whether Amoxicillin/Septrin/Augmentin/Cloxacillin are given 2 or 3 times per day when given orally, or how many days oral Quinine is given for if no IV doses are used, or about how tentative/hesitant I tend to get about doing new things here by myself, or how much I care about what my teammates think of me and what I can/can’t do well, or how defensive I get when I feel devalued by something someone says to/about me, and the list goes on and on and on…

So, when I mistakenly lead you to believing that I’m a superwoman, remember these things are true too. I’m reminding you to remember that I’m fallen; me and all the other missionaries/people in this world, and I’m reminding you of that today because I’m acutely aware of it today. All those things I listed above have been true of me in the last 24-48 hours or so, and it’s painful to think them and the fact that they’re not even the worst of it. It’s good for me to be acutely aware of these things, but it’s not fun.

When I encounter people who put their pastors up on a pedestal and treat them like gods I’m quick to tell them to remember that they’re just people too, they go to the bathroom and yell at their kids and wake up with morning breath and bed head and all the rest. I’m learning that it’s easy for people to put missionaries up on pedestals too, and there are things that we do as missionaries that encourage that, and one of those things is reporting the glory stories and not the gory stories to those that know us, love us, and support us. I have been a culprit of this and for this I apologize. Ask me for some gory stories now and again and I’ll be reminded that whether I like it or not, they’re true and you need to hear them too.